A thought on relationship

I probably have written how Gan and I met back in 2012, but just for the record (again), we've known each other for over 5 years and has been in a relationship for 3 years and 9 months!

Never have I imagined being in a serious and steady relationship for such a long time. Plus, to be honest, 3 years felt so short yet so long! At times we would look at each other and just wonder how awesome and blessed is our journey through the years as a couple, as bestfriend, as fighters.

Let me just roughly (hopefully roughly) lay out how we journey as - first - a couple:

We love each other very much. The joy we experience in this relationship comes from the blessings released by our parents. Also, as we focus more on Abba, our joy increases too! We encourage one another without withholding the truth we need to hear (even if it's painful).

As bestfriends: Since we heavily stress on honesty between us, we don't keep secrets from one another. We know each other so well that we would know if something is wrong even by looking at our countenance!

One thing that I love about us is that WE TALK. Sometimes we do have times where we're just comfortable being silence with each others' presence, but we talk about MANY things. Random things, deep stuffs, controversial stuffs, funny/lame stories, silly stuffs, even to trivial matters.

Last but not least, we also journey as fighters. We are not street fighters (you know, those who fight publicly in the street. Side note: OK this is one of those lame jokes I put my effort in without realizing it haha..), but whenever we got into a fight -be it passive or active fight- we would fight for the truth. You know the time when your ego got the best of you in a fight, say disagreement? It happens to us as well and most of the time we would use words (and even harsh, cold silence) to fight the other person. However, I'm thankful that we stick to the truth that helps bring us closer to understand and hence, love each other.

For instance, I would normally be the one who uses silence to defend myself (and indirectly fight) from being hurt/offended by Gan. Gan, being the verbal one and likes to settle things well, will probe me to open up and come out of my cave. Normally I wouldn't bug (such a cave girl laa), but when he would remind me about what the fight would cost, and how it would give foothold to the enemy to put a wedge between us, I would go "Ya, that's true. And I don't want that to happen." 

Yet, in the beginning of our relationship, it was very hard for me to open up and share how I feel, but as the years passed by it got easier and I know how to share better.

Same goes to Gan. When he got away with his feeling, I learned how to NOT cave in but to communicate it properly. It's always always good to communicate from the heart, and not just to avoid further conflict (yet still hold grudges). 

We fight. But during the fight, we are aware that we are also fighting for the truth.

The ultimate question is this: Is the fight for the truth worth fighting for?

I would definitely say YES! 

Nothing sets us free than knowing that we love each other so much that we would fight for the truth. When we are free, we are more able to love each other with a love that doesn't shrink in fear but stands firm in the face of fear.

I love my bestfriend, and I thank God we found each other.

Nethy

Hike + Relationship

I once told Gan that his blog is haunted because it's outdated. I chuckled as I stand in that same spot now, too. My last post was, I  think, about 1 year ago. Seriously honestly, I have only been blogging in this brain of mine. If that's not the case, then it will be journalism. Have I mentioned how I loooooove journaling?? Contrary to what people said, journalism is more than a therapeutic thing to do. The spiritual journal that I have is precious conversation between me and Abba. It's a safe place for me to express myself. Spiritual journalism helped me in a tremendous way. Being an introvert, words are many in my brain than in speech (although I have somehow learned to become extrovert in a way, at times, I do get wordy. P.s.- Gan can testify this hoho)

There was once when I was at a low point, I felt a nudge to read up one of my earliest journal book back in 2009. It was mind-blowing and eye-opening! God has been so so rich in His goodness. I read and read, and although it was written by me, it felt like Abba was consoling me over and over again. I couldn't help but broke down in tears. Even words are so limited to describe that moment.

These few weeks I am reminded again of His favor. That He, stedfastly, is with me. Yesterday, our youth group went for a hike to the Crocker Range. What I thought to be a 3-hours hike turned out to be 4-hours hike. My last, long hike was years ago and so, I felt like an old grandma going up the hill by foot (okay, maybe not as old as a grandma, but my point is - IT'S TIRING)

When we started, it was easy and fun. Then it became challenging as we hike to a higher altitude. Soon, we began panting heavily. The too-relaxed-muscles began to work and contract. As we reached a stretch of palm trees, Fenella said, "This is Forgetful Green!" Now, Forgetful Green she referred to was a place in a book that she just read, where people tend to forget their main purpose/focus/destination. Often, it was because of the attractions of the surrounding or influences that distracts. As we hike further up, it became clear that we need to rest. We continued for the steeper slope and just longing to reach our destination. After 2 full hours, we finally made it!

Life is as such. There are times to walk on, time to slow down, time to rest. However, I learned that the journey is worth it because of the destination that awaits, the company around us that encourages and God's presence that assures & empowers.

(When we reached our destination during the hike, the funny thing was this: Fenella said OK now it's times for us to go back because God says our job is not done yet! haha..)

Moving on...

Today -  marks 2 full years with Gan (YAY!). He is my bestfriend and a man that is after God's heart (and after my heart. No no, I'm kidding. But not really kidding.) I remembered when I first met him, being only as friends, I was being very, very stereotypical about relationship. Like, VERY. I would intelligently predict his motives based on his actions and tried to make conclusion in my brain that his true color would show over the time. Ugh. Ugly truth but, that was how it started. Nevertheless, he was amazingly calm (or, look calm) and wasn't being defensive. That was one of the reasons when I realized he was a very friendly, good guy. We get along well and became good friends.

[Long story cut short] After some years of friendship, prior to going in a relationship, he met with my parents for blessing. Now, let me tell you - this wasn't our custom. Normally, boys and girls hook up with anyone, without anyone's knowing. (I can testify to this, too) So I had some time of my own to process this when Gan brought it up. The day came when he sat down with my parents and dined together. And talked. And it was a good night. I didn't expect to have such a feeling, at that moment. Not only we were already officially a couple, but there was something more. He honored my parents. And that is one thing that I am truly grateful for!

There was ups and downs in our relationship. Needless to say, this is totally normal in any relationship. I would say, in short, over the 2 years, we have learned to respect one another, communicate better, encourage one another better, speak truth to one another, pray for one another and love one another. And I know both of us would say, this would not have been possible if Abba is not in it. In fact, being both leaders, our big heads got bigger sometimes, and there are numerous times when we felt that Abba is teaching us to be humble to one another. Now "that" is something powerful in a relationship. If we are not humble, either one of us will have dominion over the other (And we are no Adam & Eve or whatsoever). Thank You, Abba...

Wow, I would never thought I would write this down in a post. However, I thought it will somehow bless others. So, be blessed!

Nethy.

Beauty in brokenness

Humans are wired by God in such a way, that longs for completeness, stability and peace.

Almost all humans also long to be in control of what they want to have control of.

Thus, they consciously (and unconsciously) build walls of comfort around them. Environments they choose, friends they choose, materials, and even maintaining desired status quo. All these things become their wall of fortress. Anything less than these means incompleteness. Anything less than these means "no peace". 

Brokenness is seen as a weakness. Fragility is not an option. Ouch.

For the past few weeks, God reminded me gently that brokenness is not a weakness. Because when we realize that we need to be fixed, its the very thing that draw us closer to God. God sees the beauty of brokenness. King David was broken many times, over and over again, through betrayal, hatred, threats, sin of his own, family matters, etc. Yet each time he was broken, he never fail coming to God. Just pouring out his heart to Him. One to one. No veil between them. 

Is the brokenness real? Yes.

Is it serious? Yes.

Is there sadness? Of course.

But do you notice? He was being honest to God in his brokenness.

God highly honors honest people. Because honesty is truthfulness. Honesty allows you to know the truth, and the truth will set you free (John 8:32). It could be painful; it could be not. But it will set you free. King David was set free after he was broken many times.

You may be someone who could memorize the whole Bible. You could be present in all church services. You could be a leader that people look up to. You could be just a backstage crew. It doesn't matter. If there is not honesty between you and God, God couldn't really work 100% in you.

God is a personal God. If He was serious enough to send Jesus to die for us on the cross, then we should be serious and honest enough to talk to Him and to see Him as our Father and Friend and King.

Personally, how amazing and comforting it is to know that we could be honest with Him! Just like friends. Even better. Abraham had a really close relationship with Him that He even negotiated with God! Now that's confidence, brotha ;)

Gently, slowly, God reminded me that even in brokenness, remember to always be honest with Him. No matter what. That's an important key to a healthy relationship (any relationship, really). Then, you'll gain confidence to enter into a more intimate, better relationship with Him.

In a new light, brokenness is beautiful

The beauty in brokenness prevails when there is an active, honest communication with Him and He personally took it away for a fix, while deepening your relationship with Him in the whole process.