Beyond words (Part 1)

The title sums up what life has been the past 5 months and a half (and yeah, I haven't updated my blog THAT long). Some people say life is a roller coaster. Well, I say, the past few months had been a roller coaster already for me. 

After Tung Ling, I have braced myself for what's coming in the 'real' world. (Don't be scared, its not that bad) God has been faithful. To report here on what I've been doing the past months will take an hour (or more) just to read up [or maybe I'm just exaggerating :p] but I'll just highlight things that I've learned.

To be aligned with Him. Like a car without proper alignment, it will go to different direction even by a degree of error. We need to be aligned with His purpose and His will. Sometimes we might find it difficult to do so, but as we pray and ask the Lord to align us, He will graciously pull out His hands and help us to fix it. For me, personally, the word "alignment" was prophecied+prayed over me for three significant times that I remembered. By then, I know that God is speaking something really serious when He is saying it for 3 times! 

Shift and shed. This is one of the things we've learned in one of our classes in WLI. When God told Joshua that he'll lead the Israelites as Moses was dead, He is telling Joshua to shift to the new things that God is about to do through Joshua and to shed the old wineskin. Nobody likes changes. At least I am one of those people, since temperamentally, I am a high S. I don't like changes, especially when I'm already comfortable with it. Yet God has a different plan for me. It wasn't easy. I struggled a lot. Like, a lotttt. In the way that I think, the way I see things, the way I act. Slowly, I felt that God is telling me to TRUST HIM because actually, the reason why people find it hard to shift is the lack of trust. There was a moment where this is a huge blow for me in the face when I realized the root of the struggle. The more I learn to trust Him (in a new way), the more I found it easier to live and move and SHED. I've to admit, the "shedding" part has got a lot to do with the way I think. To put it clearly in other words - to put off the old wineskin, old thinking.

True humility. Humility is a word that once meant to me something that is very kind, gentle at ALL time. True humility isn't found through the posture of how you stand or walk or talk or even act! It starts all from the heart. For instance, I have a friend that had more than once complimented me on my talents that I have been using to serve in ministry. My natural reaction was to say "No lah.. Its all glory to God bah.." My friend straightforwardly told me that that was a false humility. I was taken aback. That was the first time someone ever dare to say that to me. I couldn't accept it until some time when I ponder and ask God about it. This is what God revealed - See, it has nothing to do with the words that I have said. But the attitude of my heart wasn't right. Definitely the talents are gifts from God but nothing wrong to acknowledge the compliment. I realized this as well - the 'natural reaction' I gave to my friend has blinded me into believing that I was saying it out of humility when reality was that, my heart wasn't truly humbled when I've suppressed my feelings from acknowledging the compliment (I think you will know this, the feeling of refusing to say "thank you" when someone compliments you yet you feel proud of it deep inside). I thank God for revealing this to me. This is only a small example of false humility. God wants to teach His children the truth (His truth) that will truly set you free so always have a teachable heart!

I hope this entry will find its way to encourage and bless you in any way that it could.

Thanks for reading.

Nethy@Athena.

God is still in control.

Life in Subang. Its 2 weeks more to go and we welcomed our new housemate Jacquelina! She decided to move in with us due to the long distance from her place. Things are going well here. Everyone is quite busy and handful with the practices and preparation for the graduation next week. Lessons are getting more interesting and intense. I can't be grateful enough for everything that God has done for all these times. Helped me a lot to think and see things through different perspectives. Today we learned about the book of Amos. Talks about the injustice of the heathen and non-heathen nations and God's judgement over them. 

Moving on......

GE13. Recently there's a lot of buzz about the nation's 13th general election. Be it before, during or after. Being a first time voter, I am really proud to be able to cast my vote. It is an exciting moment and unforgettable moment. Among our line on the polling day are all the young voters as well. The atmosphere that day was, of course, very HOT, but its quite exciting! Waiting the result at night was exciting as well. Opened all sources of information (that is, honest information). It was a long night that I literally fell sleep while waiting. Waking up in the middle of the night, the result was already out by then. Well, we all know it. I shall not write it down again as it was all around Facebook and Twitter and ETC.. I could post a long essay on GE13 but I would hold it until here. 

No matter what, God is still in control!
And its just amazing when you pause and ponder, that God is omniscient. That means He knows what is to come. Lets keep praying and rise up for the kingdom of God is near!


Nethy.

Best timing.

I've come to realization that for all the years since I first decided to follow Him, His timing is always the best. It is no coincidence that now I am in Tung Ling Seminary, studying deeper of His Words. It always makes me so grateful, thinking back of how He prepare me before going off to Tung Ling. 

You see, I often have difficulty in expressing myself, my thoughts to people. Although I get it in my head, I can't really deliver it clearly (at times.) So i'm gonna try and express it by writing it down, since I know writing is one of the good things i can do. Apart from the financial situation that God had helped me through (and recently, a pleasant news that sustains me until now ^^), I felt that this 3 months are so intense and exciting that I find myself always looking forward to see what's next! Classes were fun and exciting. The lecturers were great teachers and comedians (this is true in every class.) Friends were great as well. We get along well and just knowing them is a blessing for me. But above all of what I've mentioned, there is something divine that is shifting and moving me into seeing a greater revelation (which I can't really explain clearly). Day by day, it just confirms what God has put in my heart all this years. The burden for the young people. Especially the natives in Sabah (to be specific). Even before I heard of Jubilee year and PAN, that burden was there. For a period of time, I thought it was gone and no longer there. But it has just gotten heavier and I often felt the tug in me to pray for them.

During FJM in Kuala Lipis, I was blown away at seeing how God moves. Tabitha and I were given the chance to share our hearts from the view of young people of Sabah & Sarawak. [You see, the reason why I'm posting this is because I've figured out that I cannot this matter linger in my head without telling people about it. And simply because I am CONVICTED.] To simplify what both of us shared, it is about yearning to see the young people to grasp the vision that the leaders have (which God has put in their heart) and not just wander/follow leaders without OWNING the vision. Its very easy to just follow and do what is told by people. But it is a very different thing to own the vision and do what God tells you to do (be it through leaders or personal conviction). I cannot imagine Jesus' 12 disciples simply followed Him, not having any vision or idea why they did. If they did, they wouldn't be delegated and change the world! Years after years will pass by. By then, some leaders might not be around anymore. Think about the next generation. Its not about positions or whatsoever, but the main thing is to do God's will and let His will alone be done. 

We need each other. I have so much to share but I'll just end here for now. Let's keep praying. And until Jesus come for the second time, let's live for Him and Him alone. And God's timing is the best. Always will. :)

Be blessed.

Athena

Life.

Life's not fair. That is one of the most favorite phrase people love to say.

But if life is fair, then it is not life anymore. As much as we get frustrated with life, God has much much to offer us, IF we only take heed of His Words. Everything was broken since the major incident in garden of Eden. So basically, its not a surprise that we have this so-called 'unfair' life.

Some of us are born rich, some poor and some average. Some were born with a genius mind, etc. But all of us were created in God's image. So you have totally NO SAY or be PROUD of what you have. Not even lucky! God planned it all. But here's the interesting part, you see... Every obstacle in life, consider it an opportunity for a greater JOY! The problems or difficulties that you are facing with right now is actually an opportunity for you to grow. After that problem is solved, then it will become a blessing to those who hears it. 

The topic we had earlier today in class is one topic that you don't get often. It reveals what your heart's content is. And yes, it opens up my eyes in a new light. After understanding it, you can't even comprehend the depth, the length, the height and the width of Father's heart for His children. After learning and taste a bit of the Father's heart, life makes more sense in knowing that His love is unconditional, strengthens you and brings tremendous healing!

These days...

These past few days, including the day before our plane took off for KL, I've witnessed the goodness of the LORD without stop. I feel Him closer than ever. Like, seriously!

Went to Kuala Lipis for FJM and boyyyy, more revelation there! Until now I'm still unable to find the RIGHT words to explain the things that He showed me (us). Part of me feels like this is too much for someone like me. Yet, most part of me is excited (and I feel like running) for the things that He is ABOUT to do in this nation! On the last day, we watched a video of worship during the homecoming in Hong Kong last year. It was a long video, about 40 minutes. We watched and worshiped. Its the first video (apart from testimony clips, movies, dramas) that made me cry so badly till my eye is swollen. Like other worship videos, there's nothing super-extraordinary about it. But, the atmosphere of everything kinda just blown out of the screen and hit the atmosphere on our side. Something that is so powerful and anointed! The warmth and the flow of  God's love is indescribable.

Today's class had been wonderful. I already know that my time there would be a memorable and fruitful one.  Thank God for this opportunity.

Thinking of Sabah. The news about the gunshots broke last week when we were still in Kuala Lipis. I have been praying for Sabah and I couldn't help feeling sad and worried. Mom just called and also texted saying that the situation there has indeed become worse. She apparently have to take turns with the night shift. Part of me wish I'm there right now. But I know this is where God wants me to be now. Let's keep praying for God's will to be done is Sabah, as well as His protection over the land! Our God is bigger than this! He is able!


Athena.

Taken care of

So, its less than a week. *Counting the days down*
Got my schedule already (Excited) and preparing things. I'm glad I have more time at home these days.

Recently, I've met a good, old friend of mine (unplanned) and had a wonderful time talking to her about things that God is doing in our lives. I was actually quite shocked seeing her because few days before that somehow I was thinking how is she doing nowadays. Glad to know she's doing well and I was surprised listening to her testimony! We shared the same desire of seeing the body of Christ to be united in prayer and fellowship. She is, in fact, one of my friends in Christ who encouraged, prayed and supported me all through the times since I first believed. The interesting part is this: We seldom meet up. But when we do, it will always leave a memory in me. I thank God for such a friend.

Going for SOM is exciting but thinking of the expenses I need while I'm there, well, I can't say I'm not thinking about it. It worries me (in a way). But God's Word says 'He will provide' because 'we are His children' and that 'He will never abandon us nor forsake us'. So holding onto this, I cast all my anxieties to Him. Recently, in church services, during the tithes offering, I've been giving my LAST note of money. With faith, believing He will take care of me. 

[For early info: We used to collect offerings back in Labuan and these money are used for our ministry back then. So after Labuan, we go to different Uni and my friend kept the money and pass it to another friend, and lastly it was passed to me. I hadn't opened it for ages. I even almost forgot I keep it with me all this time.] 

Couple of days ago, I received a text message from this same friend of mine whom I met recently. She asked about the money. She explained that she has asked the others' opinion and they've agreed to let me use it for my 3months study. I was taken aback and speechless for a moment of time (too speechless to reply, in fact). See, God is so good! He knows our needs and He is our provider. Have faith! :)

Grateful and blessed.

Be blessed!

Nethy. Athena.

Thinker.

A random post: One fact of me is that I think a lot. [And also talk A LOT when I'm with those I'm comfortable with. My former maid actually gave me a nickname which means talkative. Hah.] Sometimes so many thoughts are playing in my mind that most of the time I do not know how to speak it out orderly, which leads to being silent. Its kinda frustrating for me to be unable to speak out when you actually wanna say something. And sometimes these thoughts are so many and overwhelming that it can even confuse me.

But thank God for His Words. It says in 2 Corinthians 10:5 that we "fight to capture every thought until it acknowledges the authority of Christ." I listened to this scripture many times before but I couldn't really understand it or apply it practically. What was conceived in this mind of mine is that, most thoughts (except those that are clearly negative ones) are acceptable and debatable. Instead of our thoughts controlling us (and our actions), we are in control of them and we even have the power to block, allow and deny access into our mind. 

Then I'm reminded by Romans 12:2 where it talks about the renewal of mind that brings transformation. During my dark age (as how Debbie say it), I always give in to those discouraging thoughts. What I think basically begin to show in how I act and how I live. Now, it is still a constant battle. But thank God for His Words and revelation, I've learned to fight a good fight. It may seem hard at times but we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13).

Be blessed,

Nethy

An illustration of flower.

One of the best illustration of our human life is flower.
Although it cannot speak, smell, hear or see as we do, it can grow from zero to something so amazing for everyone to see.

This is not a poetic entry and I definitely have nothing more to share than a thought.

Flower started all basically from a seed. I'll skip the scientific explanation (for easy understanding) but it always amaze me how this tiny little thing can blossom into something so beautiful. Like all these wild flowers below, their growth are not controlled by human (of course, nowadays, scientist can manipulate these traits already but anyway, lets go back to the basic) and their physical colours are not determined by how much water were watered but by their genetic trait (specifically, DNA). If human were a flower seed, I'm pretty sure we won't know what colour we will show as we grow. Same as in our life, at our infant stage, we were unconcious of these things. As we got older, we still weren't able to see clearly enough how far we can go or to what extent we can grow. But by looking at these flowers, isn't it encouraging to know that we can blossom in such a way that finally leads to a productive life?

Another thing about flowers is that, one species is different from the other. Yet, these flowers can live and grow together in harmony, without destroying one another. Plus, its the color that pops out rather than the weeds. Just like us, we are different from one another. Different talent, different personality, different culture, different height (different weight? =)), and the list goes on and on...

I'm just simply trying to say that its encouraging to learn from these abundant nature God created that we often overlook. Love love looking at nature stuffs (Well, i guess its genetic. =))

P.s.- Personally, recalling back, as i write this entry, a friend of mine gave me a nickname "flower" before when i was young. I never know why. But I guess its just for fun. =) #justsaying

Hidden

Let the unknown, remain unknown.

Let the hidden, remain hidden.

Let it be covered, unnoticable.

What is not known, won't bring further mess.

Needless pain can be avoided.

If only it remains hidden.

But Lord, what's hidden from men is not hidden from You.

So let it be.

Just between You and me.

"I Choose Jesus"

I have searched to find

The meaning of this life

Something that would

Fill my empty soul

Some believe a lie

Choose darkness over light

But I will stand and let

The whole world know

I choose Jesus

I choose Jesus

The One who first chose me

I stand unashamed

Trusting in one Name

‘Cause I have seen the cross

And I believe

This choice comes at cost

All other things are lost

No other love could

Mean so much to me

I choose Jesus

I choose Jesus

The One who first chose me

I choose Jesus

I choose Jesus

For now and eternity

He chose to love me

When I felt unlovable

He chose to reach me

When I felt unreachable

He carried me out

Of my fear and doubt

How I want the world to know

I choose Jesus

I choose Jesus

I choose Jesus

The One who first chose me

My Jesus

I choose Jesus

For now and eternity

For now and eternity

What sustains.

Its been a long while since I last posted something here.
I'm not going to write some poem or something epic to be remembered.

What I'm about to talk about is something personal and something that really means a lot. I have shared about how I came to know the LORD almost 4 years ago. And His overwhelming love that keeps me has sustained until today! :)

Yesterday, we had our final service and I worship led. The presence of God is so sweet and again, overwhelming. When I couldn't contain the overwhelming feeling inside me, I would cry. But everytime I would always be concious and not be strayed away by the feelings because I KNOW that as a worship leader, we are leading the congregation into the atmosphere of worship. What I did not expect was that, after the free worship, God's love suddenly came bursting out like a flood. And I really mean it. A FLOOD. For the first time, I couldn't contain it. It overflowed and I just gave in to His warm embrace. For the first time, I feel like God is saying "Its OK. I am here." And there goes the sobbing like a lost child just found her dad. I must admit, even minutes (even seconds!) in His presence is a life-changing moment. Choking back the tears, we continue deeper in worship.

And as we go deeper to worship, God brings me back to years ago when I first accepted Him into my life as a living God. It was the love of God that i felt that totally change my life. You know, I was about to write it all out here but i really can't find words to express it. God is faithful. There are many times I have (honestly) taken Him as granted. And we all do. We sometimes just lost it, being a human still. But His mercy endures forever.

"If you fall down, get back on track and move forward. Don't stay where you are"

There are times I couldn't bring myself to forgive myself for things that I've done. But its His reassuring words
 that convicts me. And I forgave.

Love in Greek.

It feels like it was just yesterday when I found that agape love. And it is what sustains us.

Be blessed.

2013.

A new year.

A new day.

A new heart.

A new song.

Blessed 2013! :)